Sema Fonkem 03/10/2025

Last night while having a glass of Bisquit cognac and a cigar somewhere in Cape Town, I heard some strangers discuss a lot about our beautiful ever drama continent, Mama Africa. Let me gist you and remember I am only saying what I heard and I will be using pseudonyms.

Kerosene: Ay bro, did you hear that Nathi Mthethwa fell from a building in France?

Match Box: Eish, so sad. What was he doing in the hotel room? Hyatt hotel is like two thousand US dollars a night bro.

Fire: Ay man, let’s not say, walls have ears. I do not want to go to prison at my very young age. I don’t have bail money for defamation. He sent his wife a message before he died. His wife reported him missing.

Kerosene: Epic bro!

Fire: Wasn’t he suppose to testify at Madlanga commission?

Match box: Let us leave this story. May his soup R.I.P because now he can not speak for himself and we can not speculate.

Fire: True story, bro. Wait wait, I was watching the Sizwe Mpofu Walsh Experience, SMWX. Did you see that piece on Malema?

Kerosene: Leave Sizwe bro, Malema is the GOAT. I don’t care what anybody says. But shame, he has been found guilt twice. First for the hate speech and then now the gun discharge.

Match Box: Gun discharge bro, you are funny. Where did the bro get a firearm from? These politicians are so connected. 

Match Box: Malema can get up to 15 years in prison for the possession of unlicensed firearm when he gets sentenced on January 23 2026. Isn’t that thing a semi-automatic?

Kerosene: Malema will sink in his pants. He can also not represent EFF in parliament anymore if convicted. EFF is dead bro.

Fire: He can appeal bro.

Match box: These men are setting a bad example for the younger generation. Look at ‘Cheeseboy’ Mugabe who was just arrested in Zimbabwe.

Kerosene: Robert Mugabe Junior is a clown bro. I hear he likes to get high in Sandton. 

Fire: When police arrested him, he was driving on the wrong way of the road. Haha, that weed hit him hard. They searched his sling bag and found a few sachets of weed. Five other guys linked to him were also arrested.

Kerosene: I don’t believe that ‘Cheeseboy’ is linked to any syndicate. That is just politics being brought into the game.

Fire: Yes, That is just small weed bro. 0.2 gram is nothing. They must just give him a fine or sentence him according to the law in Zimbabwe and leave us alone.

Match Box: No one is above the law. He must face justice.

Kerosene: You are right bro. Ah ah ah…did you hear that the ex president of DRC, Joseph Kabila who was staying in Pretoria got sentenced to death by the military tribunal?

Match Box: That is nonsense, they just mean he must never go back home to DRC. Felix Tshisekedi does not want him around. He is scared that Kabila can take over power again

Fire: You have a point. They also gave him a fine of $33 billion.

Kerosene: They just want the money he took from DRC. Politics is such dirty game.

Match Box: You can not trust politicians. They will take that money and buy a Benz. Guys I have to go now.

Kerosene: Same here I must kiss the kids good night before they sleep.

Fire: Drive safely guys, I am staying at The Sun tonight. No work tomorrow. The wife and kids travelled. 

Match Box: Use protection.

All three men giggle.

What in God’s name is going round Africa? My inner voice asked throughout their conversations. If Mama Africa was a real person, she will cry day in and day out with a few laughs in-between.

I went to sit with Fire for more drinks but that is a story for another day.

Full meaning of some words used

Bro: Brother

Cheeseboy: a nickname for weak men born from a wealth family

DRC: Democratic Republic of Congo

EFF: Economic Freedom Fighters 

GOAT: Greatest of All Time

Eish: An exclamation for dissatisfaction 

R.I.P: Rest in peace

.

If Mama Africa was real person, she will be crying day in and day out with a just a few laughs in-between.

What in God’s name is going round Africa? My inner voice asked throughout the conversations. Let us start with South Africa.